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Guide

100 Questions to Ask Before Marriage for Muslims

A practical, honest list of 100 questions every Muslim couple should walk through before nikah — covering deen, family, finances, intimacy, and children. Pair it with our private Between Us quiz to answer them together, separately, then compare.

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Faith & Practice

Shared deen is the foundation of a Muslim marriage. These questions help you understand how your future spouse practices and what they hope to build together.

  1. How do you describe your relationship with Allah right now, and where would you like it to be in five years?
  2. What does an Islamic home look like to you on a normal Tuesday — prayer, Qur'an, dress, gatherings?
  3. Which madhhab do you follow, and how strictly do you want our household to follow it?
  4. How important is praying together, fasting together, and learning the deen together as a couple?
  5. How will we raise our children Islamically — masjid, weekend school, hifz, Islamic vs. public school?
  6. How do you handle missed prayers or spiritual low seasons, and what would you want from me then?
  7. How do you feel about scholars, lectures, and which voices do you trust to learn from?
  8. What role should the Qur'an play in our daily home — recitation, memorization, tafsir?
  9. How do you approach matters of khilaf (scholarly difference) when we disagree on a ruling?
  10. What does modesty mean to you in dress, speech, and online presence — for both of us?
  11. How do you feel about music, TV, and other gray-area entertainment in our home?
  12. How important is it that our friends and social circle share our level of practice?
  13. How do you want us to mark Ramadan, the last ten nights, and the two Eids as a family?
  14. What's one area of deen you know you struggle with, and how can a spouse help and not shame you?
  15. How do you envision our future hajj, umrah, and seeking knowledge journeys together?

Family & In-Laws

In Muslim culture, marriage joins two families, not just two people. Talking through expectations early prevents the most common nikah conflicts.

  1. What role do you expect your parents to play in our marriage and decisions?
  2. How often do you want to visit or host extended family, and how will we balance both sides?
  3. If a parent ever needs to live with us, how would we handle that financially and emotionally?
  4. How do you handle disagreements with in-laws, and what would you need from me when they happen?
  5. What family traditions do you want to keep, and which do you want to leave behind?
  6. How are decisions made in your family of origin, and which patterns do you want to repeat or break?
  7. What do you wish your parents had done differently in their marriage?
  8. How do you feel about cultural expectations like big weddings, dowries beyond mahr, or family gifts?
  9. If my family and yours clash on a value, whose lead do we follow, and how do we communicate it?
  10. How private should our marriage stay — what do we share with family, and what stays between us?
  11. How will we handle siblings who ask for money, time, or housing help?
  12. What boundaries do we both need around in-laws dropping by, calling, or commenting on our life?
  13. How will we navigate cultural or ethnic differences between our two families?
  14. What would feel disrespectful coming from my family toward you, and how should I step in?

Romance & Emotional Connection

Islam encourages affection, play, and emotional intimacy between spouses. These questions explore how you each want to feel loved.

  1. What does romance look like to you within the boundaries of an Islamic marriage?
  2. How do you most easily receive love — words, touch, gifts, acts of service, quality time?
  3. What helps you feel emotionally safe enough to be vulnerable with a spouse?
  4. How do you want us to reconnect after an argument or a hard week?
  5. What small daily rituals would make our marriage feel alive to you?
  6. What did affection look like in your home growing up, and what do you want to do differently?
  7. How do you process stress — alone, together, talking, silence — and what do you need from me then?
  8. What's a hard thing you'd want me to know about you that you don't usually share?
  9. How often do you want intentional date time or alone time as a couple?
  10. How do you handle jealousy, and what triggers it for you?
  11. What's one thing a past relationship or experience taught you about your own heart?
  12. How do you want us to celebrate wins — career, deen, parenting, personal growth?
  13. What words or tones cut you deepest, and what would help you feel heard in conflict?
  14. How do you want us to apologize and forgive — what does real repair look like to you?

Intimacy & Physical Connection

Physical intimacy is a right of both spouses in Islam. Honest conversation before nikah prevents years of silent mismatch.

  1. How comfortable are you talking openly about intimacy, needs, and preferences with your spouse?
  2. What do you understand about your own body and what brings you closeness and pleasure?
  3. How important is regular physical intimacy to you, and what feels like a healthy rhythm?
  4. Are there things you would want to learn together as a couple to grow this part of our marriage?
  5. What hard boundaries do you hold, and what would feel like a violation of trust?
  6. How would you want us to handle long stretches apart — travel, illness, postpartum?
  7. What does non-sexual affection (hugs, hand-holding, lying together) mean to you?
  8. How do you feel about openly talking about what you enjoy and don't enjoy in the bedroom?
  9. What past experiences, exposure, or wounds might affect our intimacy that I should know about?
  10. How would you want me to initiate, and how do you want to be able to decline without hurt?
  11. What does it look like to keep intimacy alive after children, exhaustion, and routine?
  12. How important is physical attraction to you, and how do we keep tending to it over the years?
  13. How do we protect this marriage from outside attractions, online content, and emotional affairs?
  14. What would you want us to do if one of us is struggling with desire or function in the future?

Finances & Provision

Money is one of the top reasons marriages — Muslim and otherwise — break down. Be specific.

  1. Will we keep our finances combined, separate, or a mix of both?
  2. What do you understand the husband's obligation of nafaqah to cover, and what falls outside it?
  3. How do you feel about a wife working, and would that change after children?
  4. What's your relationship with debt, savings, and giving sadaqah?
  5. What's your mahr, and what does it symbolize for you?
  6. What's your current income, debt, and savings situation — and what do you want it to look like in five years?
  7. How do you feel about riba-based mortgages, loans, and credit cards?
  8. What's a 'normal' lifestyle to you — housing, cars, travel, eating out?
  9. How will we make big purchases together, and what amount needs a joint decision?
  10. How much should we be giving in zakat and sadaqah, and how do we decide where it goes?
  11. What financial responsibilities do you carry for parents or siblings, now and in the future?
  12. How will we plan for emergencies, job loss, or one of us choosing to stop working?
  13. How do you feel about prenuptial agreements or written financial understandings within Islam?
  14. What's your view on saving for hajj, the kids' education, and retirement — in what order?

Children & Family Planning

Disagreements about children are some of the hardest to resolve after marriage. Get specific before nikah.

  1. Do you want children, how many, and when would you ideally start?
  2. How do you feel about contraception in the early years of marriage?
  3. How would we approach parenting — discipline, screens, schooling, deen?
  4. What support would you want from me during pregnancy, postpartum, and the early years?
  5. If we struggled to conceive, how would you want us to navigate that together?
  6. How do you feel about IVF, adoption, or fostering if biological children weren't possible?
  7. What does a 'good' father or mother look like to you, based on what you grew up with?
  8. How will we divide nighttime feeds, school runs, doctor visits, and the invisible labor of parenting?
  9. What do you believe about physical discipline, time-outs, and emotional regulation with kids?
  10. How will we handle conflict about a child between us, without doing it in front of them?
  11. What languages, cultures, and traditions do you want our children to grow up inside?
  12. How will we protect our kids online — phones, social media, friendships?
  13. What's your view on a parent staying home, working part-time, or sharing the load with daycare?
  14. How do we want our children to see our marriage — what's the picture of 'us' they should carry?

Lifestyle & Day-to-Day

The small daily things — household, friendships, travel — quietly shape a marriage.

  1. How do you imagine we'll divide cooking, cleaning, errands, and the mental load of running a home?
  2. What do your weekends and free time look like in a healthy marriage?
  3. How do you feel about mixed-gender friendships, work events, and social settings?
  4. Where do you see us living long term — same city as family, abroad, hijrah?
  5. What does a meaningful Ramadan, Eid, and Hajj look like for our future family?
  6. How tidy or relaxed do you want our home, and what's a deal-breaker level of mess for you?
  7. What's your relationship with phones and social media inside the home and at the table?
  8. How important is fitness, food, and sleep to you, and what habits do you want us to share?
  9. How do you feel about pets in the home, especially around prayer and the kids?
  10. How much time alone do you need each week to feel like yourself?
  11. How do you handle hosting — guests staying over, dinners, drop-ins — and how often is healthy?
  12. How do you feel about travel — solo trips, couples trips, family trips — and how often?
  13. What kind of work-life balance do you need from your spouse and from your own career?
  14. What does a slow, beautiful, ordinary Saturday together look like to you ten years from now?
  15. What's one thing you'd want us to commit to doing weekly, no matter how busy life gets?

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